It seems wise to lay down some general ground rules – in the form of aims and intentions -, in order to prevent this turning into a morass of confessional misery with no direction or purpose and also to frame how anyone reading it should interpret the posts.
- My purpose is to explore what it is to be a diagnosed ‘depressive’ and challenge some of the views I’ve encountered, namely that people with depression are wallowing or give in to the feelings that we all have because they are some how more ‘self-indulgent’.
So I will document my mood and the voices in my head, which tell me I’m good/ bad and often entirely destroy me, to show what it can be like to live with depression.
- I speak only for myself, as everyone’s depression is different and unique to them.
- I don’t do this for sympathy or moral support, but so that an insight into the viciousness of depressive thought patterns is openly expressed, and further than this, that the amount of effort it takes to keep going is revealed. If there is one thing I know it’s that my ‘depressive’ mind works incredibly hard – never stops trying to figure it all out or find a path to peace.
- I am open to the fact that I may learn some uncomfortable home truths through this process, I may decide that I am ‘mired in the past’ or ‘self indulgent’. Or perhaps I will see a scared child inside that I haven’t yet grown out of. Maybe I’ll discover that I am no longer depressed and feel a release as the diagnostic fetters are lifted.
- Maybe I’ll discover that I am normal – shock horror!
Whatever comes of this, I hope that both I and anyone reading this will learn something about living with the internal dialogues of a ‘depressive’ mind – the moods and punitive thought. And further, learn more about what it is to be labelled ‘depressive’, in a world where little time or money is given to the mind’s well-being, either at work or in any other arena.